Ten!

Big brother --

I can't believe you're turning ten.  Ten years ago, when you made your grand entrance into my life, I had no way of knowing what a tremendous blessing you would be.  I was scared I wouldn't be good enough as your mom. I was scared I wouldn't be able to express how much I loved you. I was scared you would grow up to hate me, and you still might. But please don't.

14 Months

 I know that the past year has brought along many changes, and the year before that did too.  I can only hope you understand just how blessed you are to have the family you have, the brother you have, the life you have.  All of the things that surround you - I know - they change from time to time, but it is always for the better and it is always because you are deeply, profoundly loved.

I don't have the words to tell you how grateful I am to have had you in my life for ten long years now, but that won't stop me from trying.  Sometimes I have a hard time grappling with the fact that it's already been ten years and time will keep moving and adulthood will eventually snatch you from me.  I have to continue to make sure that you are the best person you can be, that I gave you the best beginning I could.

 I always wonder how you'll turn out when you're all grown up.  If you will still be artistic and curious or if you'll grow to be methodical and factual. I wonder if you'll really be a chef.  That's what you've been telling us you want to be.  I always wonder how you'll turn out, but I never wonder if you'll be a good person.  Your heart is so beautiful.  You are so kind and generous and genuinely concerned. You really are a good person, deep down in your core.  Please stay that way.

However you turn out, you are loved. I hope you remember your tenth birthday as a wonderful celebration of you. Fantastic, curious, smart, funny, you. I hope you know how awesome being ten is and how treasured you are. 

As you get older, it's important that you know sometimes people will hurt your feelings. I worry about this with you because you are a little sensitive.  Try to be resilient. Most of the people who hurt your feelings throughout your life won't be there long.  And those people who truly love you will look past any mistakes you might make and love and accept you for who you are.

It's also important that you are as kind as you can be. When you can't be kind, try to be quiet. When it's hard to be quiet, talk to me. I am always your biggest fan. Whatever is difficult for you, is difficult for me too.

Now that you're ten, you're much more independent. Some nights, you just get tired and go to bed.  Some days, you spend the day in your room reading.  Several times this summer, we have had terrible thunderstorms and lost power.  You find a flashlight and tell me everything will be fine. I peek in your room  and realize you went to bed without me saying I love you, but I know you know.  And I will ask if you wanna hang out, but you really just want to read your library books. When the power goes out, I know everything will be fine, but I really like when you tell me. I guess, somehow, things balance out and I need you just as much as you need me.

What a blessing these ten years have been. What a celebration it is to have a son as fascinating as you are. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.  Thank you for making my job so rewarding. Happy Birthday, Bunny.

11 Months

I like you, I love you, and I will always protect you.

Love,
your mum.



-S.