Winter In My Heart

"If the only prayer you ever say in your life is Thank You, you have said enough"
-Eckhart Tolle

I don't know if that is true or not, and I would rather not risk taking the easy road out on that, but today I was off work.  little brother and I fed some goats oak leaves.  We ate noodles with our fingers for lunch and he took a really long bubble bath - extra long - I filled the tub twice to keep him from getting cold.  He took a long afternoon nap, so I cleaned the boy's bathroom and lit some candles.  While I cooked dinner, D took both boys to the drugstore to get candy bars.

For all of this, all I can say is "Thank You."

Christmas will be here before I know it.  We are not even close to finished shopping, but it feels really good to know the boys will have a good holiday. It feels good to know that Big Brother will understand what the holidays are about - family, appreciation, warmth.  It all gets lost in the shuffle, and little brother is too young to understand, but I had a conversation with Big Brother about the holidays and he knows more than I give him credit for. I was explaining to him that he doesn't have to get me a gift, to use his money for other things, and he responded "I want to get you a gift because I appreciate you."  Which I understood completely -and I felt the same.  "I want to get you a gift because I appreciate you, too,"  I told him.  And - just like that, Christmas made more sense than it has in a really, really long time.

 And for that, I am so thankful.

little brother has been talking a lot lately.  To date, his vocabulary is: ball, mahmah, cat, dahdah, quackquack and Big brother's name.  He likes to carry a ball around the house, raise it high above his head and tell anyone who will listen "BALL!".  He likes to point at photos of Big brother and tell us his name, over and over and over.  Sometimes he chases one of the cats until she disappears. Once she's gone, he says "cat." Only it's more of a question then a statement. "cat?"  He spends most days playing in either the living room or his bedroom, both of which are set up for minimal destruction and maximum safety for a one year old boy.  Much to my chagrin, his current favorite food is turkey hot dogs.  He can't eat them fast enough. But his hunger strike is over and has morphed into full-blown picky-eaterdom.

But he is eating and growing and talking and becoming so smart. And I can only say "Thank You."

Big Brother - Winter 2010

There are a lot of parts of winter that I dread - mostly the cold, but also the snow removal.  Sometimes all of the family gatherings get overwhelming. No matter how much we budget, we always come out of December totally broke and tired.  But Big brother is off school for two weeks, and little brother is at the most fun age where everything is amazing to him, and D will be taking some time off work so we can all be together.

Thank You.

I ordered myself a new winter coat this evening as a Christmas gift from D's parents, so I can't even really complain about the cold.   I made lentil soup for dinner and everyone loved it.  little brother is sleeping through the night almost every night and mornings aren't terrible anymore.  Being well-rested, even if it's 3 out of 7 nights a week is majestic.   We're all ok.  We're all ok.

Thank You.


 "I want to fit in to the perfect space - feel natural and safe in a volatile place.  I want to grow old without the pain - give my body back to the earth and not complain."


-S.