Tuesday, July 3, 2012

You've Got The Love


Gratitude.

little brother is busy being 7 months old.  He is crawling, rolling, scooting, pulling, and wiggling to get where he wants to go, and gets there - fast.  He is pulling himself up in his crib and on toys and furniture.  He loves his voice. He loves to laugh, to kick, wave, scream. He never stops. He is such a joy.





 Can you believe these tiny legs will carry him around a set of bases someday soon?  They'll pump him on a swing, help him run away from me, carry him on journeys and climbs and hikes to places I may never -in my lifetime- see?  Me either. They're so cute.



Big brother has lost two teeth in a week.  He is sad baseball is over, but looking forward to fall ball and working hard to save his money.  He wants to get a tux and take me to dinner ( "Somewhere really fancy, like Olive Garden") for my birthday. I cannot imagine a better gift. I cannot imagine a better son. His heart. I'm telling you. IT IS GOLDEN.



We took an after-dinner hike last week. We only got about halfway because it was so hot and humid and little can't stay awake through a hike. It's hard to prop up his head in the backpack carrier once he is zonked out.

...you're getting sleeeepy...

The garden is doing well.  We harvested a lot of radishes, and still have some more to harvest.  Our squash is growing and sprawling. Lettuce is ready for harvesting. We harvested the spinach and ate it all already. The garden is our pride and joy.  "Next year," we tell each other "next year".  We have big plans.

garden. 

radical.
Our bathroom and utility room which were recently under construction are now done, with the exception of a few small details. This was the first time I was ever able to choose pretty much the entire design of a room. When I walk into the bathroom, it makes me so happy. It's exactly what I wanted. I love it. It's beautiful.  A few finishing touches and I will be able to lock myself in there for hours on end take a nice, warm bath.


Summer is keeping all of us very busy. D especially. He is working hard learning and exploring and familiarizing himself with all of his new properties.  He finds something every day that makes him excited. I'll let him tell you about his discoveries. 

garden spinach salad.

With all these changes, we were bound to hit some snags.  We are working through some transitional difficulties, trying hard not to let them drag us too far down. It's not always easy. 


 When you are backed into a corner, and the walls are crumbling around you, and your safe little corner is slowly eroding - it's really hard to think clearly.  Sometimes you just turn inward and cave in on yourself.  Usually, at this point it's too late to really reach outside of yourself for help.  The fear and the worry can be stifling.   It's hard to talk to anyone because the words get caught in your throat.  It's hard to be honest with anyone when you can barely accept some truths yourself.  Once you say those words, though, and it's out there floating around - it feels okay.


It doesn't feel good. No. I wouldn't say that. It feels bare and vulnerable and honest and just okay. But, if there is anything I've learned, it's that you have to feel less-than-good before you ever feel good. You have to strip things down before you rebuild them.  It's why they show those people on TV without their shirts before they lose hundreds of pounds.  You have to have a feel and acceptance for the situation before you can ever begin to improve it.  That means leaving your corner, preferably willingly, before it completely collapses on top of you.


Here's the good thing about these corners life puts us in: there is a way out. There is always a way out. There is an ending, a passing of time. It becomes a memory and a learning experience.  I have learned how to stay out of corners after being in them so many times.  Gratitude. The number of things I have to be thankful for far outweighs the number of worries I could ever have.  I'll be darned if shifting the focus to those things doesn't soften every blow I've ever encountered. 

squash tendril.
Working through difficult situations shouldn't break you down. It can't ruin your life. Time is so short and family is so sweet. If you need help, ask for it.  If you aren't certain, work through it. I have never, as long as I can remember, felt so un-alone.  Nothing has taught me personally about family quite as much as some of the hardships D and I have faced together. It's hard to take a hike through the woods burdened with worry.  It's hard to sleep, to laugh, to eat a quiet meal.  It's hard to look at your children's faces or carry on small talk with a cashier when your spirit is operating at half-capacity. But it doesn't have to be, because I have a million things to be grateful for, and so many less to worry about.


This may seem like a random blog, out of left field and maybe a little different from our others.  But, D and I are real people with two real children and real problems that we have to solve every day.  We're young, and learning as we go. It's just so important that we keep things in perspective.  It's important that we ask for help when we need it. It's important that we embrace all of the supportive, enlightening people and parts of our lives and try our hardest not to clutch on to the negative.  It's important that we embrace gratitude and life lessons.  It will make us such better people, and parents, in the long run.

"Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough / And things go wrong no matter what I do / Now and then it seems that life is just too much / But you've got the love I need to see me through."  -Florence and the Machine



-S


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